My sister brings them back to life, only for me to start killing them again. Something has to change
My friend has the most beautiful houseplants. They each have their own floating shelf, like they think it’s 1992, and their leaves trail down the walls with great grace and verdancy. The sight is simultaneously calming and enlivening. I asked her how she kept them alive, and she said: “I don’t. When they die, I throw them away and get new ones.”
I didn’t even know you were allowed to throw away plants. I thought when they died, you had to keep the carrion as memorial to your own fecklessness. I still have a dead succulent I got as a gift for my first wedding. It survived five years in storage, though of course it helped that it was already dead.
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Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean. 
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