She’d snooze on me, and ask for treats whenever the fridge door was opened. How could I have denied her medical treatment, no matter what it cost?
The people who are most horrified that I spent about £2,000 on a hysterectomy for my guinea pig Ruby are usually dog owners who would spend 10 times that, if they could, on their dog. “Why didn’t you just get another one?” said a terrier owner I mentioned it to recently. “Would you just get another dog?” I asked. Most people are speciesist – it’s why we eat some animals but not others, and why many believe, in the pet hierarchy, the small ones are disposable.
Anyway, Ruby was like a little dog. Even though it was 20 years ago, I can picture buying her (from an open-farm attraction with – my dream! – a guinea pig village) more clearly than the births of my children. She was scampering around, a flash of smooth, shiny brown fur, and looked so much less inscrutable than the other guinea pigs for sale; I’ve had several in my life, and she was by far the most intelligent and engaging.
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Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean. 
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