Everyone I know is sick, and in our house it’s every man for himself
It’s a feature of single parenting that you have to outsource some aspects of your children’s education to people beyond the immediate family. Where a partner or spouse might fill in your gaps, friends must be called upon. My gaps are, among other things, maths, American history, effective confrontation, the interstate system and the turnpikes that lead to it, and some music stuff I thought I might get away with.
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Hello, my name is Jack Sparrow. I'm a 50 year old self-employed Pirate from the Caribbean. 
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